I Lost Count Day
If I see another article on how we should all do self-improvement classes while we are in quarantine, I'm going to scream. I have never, never had such an intense nerve-racking period in my life.
It is now two weeks that I have been a full-time mother, a teacher, a cook, a purchaser, a transportation worker, a play companion, a student, a judge (of neverending sibling squabbles and fights), a mental health worker, a communications officer and non-expert-in-training-to-become-an-expert (in a crisis situation with everyone's nerves firing off in all directions), and a maid who is training for half-marathon. I am much more, obviously, but there is just not enough paper in the world to start describing it.
I consider myself a failure in all these positions I currently occupy, because - come on! - it's all too much. I would just love to throw my feet on the wall and enjoy being with my family, but most of the time I just try to not explode - there is not a minute in my day when I can have my thoughts to myself in silence and I have constant interruptions to whatever I do. I still explode.
I wrote a long rant to my friend on Whatsapp today of all the things that are shit, then deleted it, because it convinced me that I have to drop out of university and stop doing the work that is interesting and challenging on a personal level and just be the slave to my family, cause they won't rest until I do. This is not a good place to be for me, right now.
So, if anyone tells me again: "Why don't you ask for help?!?", I'm gonna punch them in their face. This is the luxury I have no access to.
If I see another article on how we should all do self-improvement classes while we are in quarantine, I'm going to scream. I have never, never had such an intense nerve-racking period in my life.
It is now two weeks that I have been a full-time mother, a teacher, a cook, a purchaser, a transportation worker, a play companion, a student, a judge (of neverending sibling squabbles and fights), a mental health worker, a communications officer and non-expert-in-training-to-become-an-expert (in a crisis situation with everyone's nerves firing off in all directions), and a maid who is training for half-marathon. I am much more, obviously, but there is just not enough paper in the world to start describing it.
I consider myself a failure in all these positions I currently occupy, because - come on! - it's all too much. I would just love to throw my feet on the wall and enjoy being with my family, but most of the time I just try to not explode - there is not a minute in my day when I can have my thoughts to myself in silence and I have constant interruptions to whatever I do. I still explode.
I wrote a long rant to my friend on Whatsapp today of all the things that are shit, then deleted it, because it convinced me that I have to drop out of university and stop doing the work that is interesting and challenging on a personal level and just be the slave to my family, cause they won't rest until I do. This is not a good place to be for me, right now.
So, if anyone tells me again: "Why don't you ask for help?!?", I'm gonna punch them in their face. This is the luxury I have no access to.
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